LIFE

What's new in life...
well i have been forced to come out to my family and i have found someone to be with, she makes me happy even though we havent met but still i see her soon.

well tonight i have been on skype with some amazing friends, Cally, Kira and Gary! They make me laugh so much even if one of them isn't talking... Cally... but i love them all!!!

I LOVE MY SUNSHINE <3

My first school residential trip - North Wales

Well hello there, last weekend (23-25) I went North Wales with my geography class. When the teachers first mentioned this I automatically said to my mum I'm going on this trip and you can't stop me from paying for it, so she let me go as soon as she heard it was for my exam anyway. However as the date drew closer I was slowly regretting saying I wanted to go, as I had never been away from my family for more than a day which was making me feel really homesick. Now on Thursday, I had a lot of thoughts of what could happen if I go and what I would be missing out on if I didn't, but obviously I went because I needed to and plus I knew I would enjoy it. So on the Friday morning we set off in our schools yellow mini bus with everyone strapped in and singing to whatever came on the radio, occasionally playing eye spy or winding up the teachers about their 'awful' driving, but we finally arrived at the first youth hostel 7 hours after we left the school and a quick stop at the top of the mountains to see the beautiful landscape. So in the evening we had our lovely dinner and a 2 hour lesson on what we would be doing on the following day which I found kind of boring yet I paid attention and asked relevant questions, like I should! Then the following day we set off to the source of the river Afon Ddu and made our way down to the mouth via 4 different stops on the river. As we went down I slowly learnt what each part of the equipment was for and realised I had to check that we took all the equipment with us unlike at the second site as we left all the meter sticks!! Then we stayed on the beach for lunch and after we made our way to Caernarfon where one of my teachers brought us all ice creams and gave us time to do some human geography such as making a desire line map and some other map which I found really fun. We then went to the next youth hostel - Idwel cottage - and got told we had pull the short straw and was the other group made to have a teacher in our room with us which I didn't mind as she is very lovely. We then had dinner and after I got made to wash up which consisted of some rather weird convocations being started up, we then done a 3 hour lesson of which we had to draw a lot of graphs and learn different types of way to classify data, which I found really interesting and miss helped me understand a lot more. We then went to our rooms and I had to wait up to let miss in but we were talking so miss came in and joined us which made it funnier. Yesterday morning, we woke up thinking it was 7am but turned out to be 8am so we ran downstairs and had breakfast. We then went for a mile walk up the mountain for sports relief and when we go to the top we sat their for an hour and done field sketches. The view was amazing and we were all tempted to stay there for the rest of the day, unfortunately we had to go home. We all had fun at the weekend that we just spent today's human geography lesson just remembering all the fun we had!
If you ever get a chance to go to Snowdonia, don't turn it down!!! Go for it because it is beautiful!!

I&apos;m here to help

Last weekend I saw a friend who I haven't seen since I was 5/6, so it was pretty nice catching up though we could barely remember each other. Anyways, when we saw him he seemed as high as a kite but still as awesome but that may of been because of we were all really hyper from all the fizzies and beer we were drinking!! But since then we've talked everyday and decided to meet up again with all the 'cool' people at the party in London city!! But he's been feeling really down because of girlfriend issues and grades so I decided to help him cheer up which I succeeded with but it doesn't stay that way for long. He just sent me a thank you for helping him through this all and for being there which has now brought a smile to my face.
Well anyways that's my little tale for this week.... Or month

Hello everyone, hope your all ok!Over the past few weeks, I've been wondering where im going and what im doing with my life because at the moment its mostly focused on school and dancing which I don't really mind however I want to do something more interesting, meet new people and go places where I love a lot more than I do at the moment. Soon I will be going to Sommerset to see some of my family who I haven't seen in a decade, last time I saw them was at a funeral of my great-uncle Dennis, and surprise surprise, thats where I'm seeing them again however this time it will be with one less person as it is my great-uncle Fred's funeral! However, as I didn't actually meet him, I don't really know much about him except my mum loved him very much and said he was amazing, I take her word!
Anyways, I would love to meet some people I talk to one twitter and on Tagged as they are so amazing and lovely! I've already seen one lovely laydee (I know how it's spelt but that's how i spell it) in London at the Thames Festival but didn't know whether to go say hi to her.
Oh well, life goes on and we put up with the shit it throws at us.

quick hi

hellooooooo everyone.... how have you all been?
im with my friend Gary and will be with 2 others later :D
have fun over the weekend

3 words

Hey!
I've been thinking, there's 3 little words that can change your mood:
- I Love You
- I Hate You

These phrases can make you feel really bad or really amazing inside!! So far every time someone says I Love You to me it makes me feel happier but when someone says I Hate You it makes me feel really bad. I think this is the same for everyone!!
Anyways I Love You all!!!

My valentines day

Heya everyone,
As everyone knows it was valentines day on Tuesday and its a time to celebrate relationships, which is weird seeming that if your in a relationship you should really be celebrating everyday! Im not in a relationship so it was just another day for me, however I spent the day with my friends in town and then in the park! Before I saw my friends I thought I would go round to see my granma in her new flat as I haven't seen her in about 4 months before! After that I saw my friends and had fun walking round town seeing everyone having fun with their partners, we then went to the park with my friends as we had a singles night. After that I can't remember anything else.
Also on Valentines day it's my dad and step-mums anniversary, they got married 4 years ago on the 14th February at 12pm! I think this is really romantic!!! Hopefully I will be lucky one day to have valentines day everyday with someone that i won't be hurt by and will love with all my heart!
Well that was my February 14th this year, hope you all had an amazing day too!

Whatever keeps you happy

Hello blog readers, at the moment I am getting really down and annoyed as when I go to talk to some people they ignore me and also because I am doing double the work in media as my 'friend' doesn't turn up. However as this has been bringing me down I have also been thinking of happy things that may cheer me up or just distract me from life in general. So here's a little summary of each thing I though of!

- I miss the two people I haven't met more than the load of people I have met because they make me a lot happier

- Crying gets you no where! It just let's the pain out and then after you can get on with your life like you wanted to

- Self harming does nothing for you

- I can be happy seeming I have a principle part in the ballet I'm performing in July and this is also my 2nd year doing ballet and 2nd ballet I've performed in

- I have made more friends which have a lot more in common with me than I had thought

And here's my two new little saying I've just made up for this blog:

-The weather may be rubbish but you always have the sunshine to keep you happy (from my brain!)

- Be true to who you are and always stand up and always remember you have a shadow that you know who's close (yes these are Jessie J lyrics)

Well that's all from me for now

Febuary&apos;s here

Heya everyone,
well it's now February which means it's nearly valentines day which is also the day of my dads and step mums anniversary! However it's started to get colder which is making me freeze at night as I have the coldest room in the house! So as it gets colder, we are having thoughts and guesses in geography about whether it will snow and will it snow in march as we are going on a residential.
Anyways thats all I can think about at the moment

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY MUM

Today my mum turned 40!!! She didn't like the song I made up though -
Ya old
Ya grey
Ya never say wahey
Its ya birthday....

The world of Jess at the moment

Hellloooo blog readers! Well what is happening in the life of Jess at the moment is that I have been thinking, thinking about what reaction my family may give if I tell them my biggest secret and also what they will think of me after I do! I'm also scared of telling my most of my friends as they already have a strong opinion on me at the moment and I think they may change it soon after. I told my friend that I had come out to some else and I hadn't realised that people from school could read, so I fell out flat on my face with one person knowing. But I've also been having second thoughts on the whole thing all together, I've been questioning myself (which happens quite a lot) if I'm really being 100% truthful and not just saying I'm something else just because I don't want to admit the full truth. Anyways, I was counting the amount of months in front of one of my friends and she was asking what i was counting, I refused to tell her because she probably wouldn't believe me.
Anyways what I was trying to get at is, A true friend will always stay with you no matter what and a fake friend will take a look at the true you and just sod off because they don't like it! This is also why I've kept a mask on for so long.
I'm also wandering if it's true that there is someone for everyone out in the world and I keep asking myself why have I been so unlucky finding this someone so far? Everyone around me has found theirs, so for the time being I'm going to stick with my ducks
AU REVOIR TOUT LES GENS POUR MAINTENANT

RIP MAZ <3

Well about 3 months ago one of my closest friends past away because she had phnuemonia (cant spell) and 2 other things which I cant remember as they have long names. Sadly , ive been told after only about a few days in hospital and getting put on a life support, she passed away on the 27th of October. This was an amazing day turned to the worst day in my life so far! My sister got a phone call by her friend at 10:30 saying that Maz (our friends mum and really close friend) had been put in hospital a few days earlier but got her life support turned off and sadly passed away at around 6:30 that morning. I couldn't cry then as I hate showing my emotions infront of my friends and I was in so much shock but later that day I couldn't stop crying at all because it was slowly sinking in that I will never see her again. However, I got through my mourning by thinking of all the amazing times we had such as when she danced with us when her daughter was playing in a concert and when they both came round for bonfire night and we all laughed so much! I went to her funeral and as soon as I saw her coffin I couldn't stop crying! After the funereal I saw her daughter and gave her a big hug and saw my friend from school and gave her a really big hug because we were still in big shock! I will never forget her and her daughter, husband and the rest of her family are still here to preserve her memory. It was sweet to see her nephew there being the man of the family and keeping everyone the right side of depression and her daughter there keeping her spirit alive. Your an amazing role model for life because you always had a smile no matter what you felt like and your laugh will keep replying in my mind, our signature laugh!!
RIP Marian you will never be forgotten and you will always have a place in my heart no matter what happens!!!!!! <3 13/05/63 - 27/10/11

My amazing friend, KIRA

Me and my friend Kira met back when we were in year 8 which was when we were 12 yrs old! I didn't actually know then how much she would mean to me then but we grew closer and now I'm thinking I can't actually get rid of her, not like I would want to at all. She's already said she wants most of my money if I become famous and everytime she comes round my house she eats the food, the sign of a true best friend when you can't find any nice food left in the building. Anyway, I now wouldn't know what to do if I never saw her again as she has a place in my heart forever and is like my sister or whatever cheesy line people may come up with!!! These are a few pics of us plus a few extras in some of them! I LOVE YOU KIRA!!!! :D <3

My friendship stuff

A friend sees part of the problem and solves a little, a best friend sees the whole problem and helps solve it standing by you the whole time!

A friend sees your upset and cheers you up till they see you starting to get happy, a best friend sees your upset and cheers you up completely and goes that extra but further.

When you have an argument with a friend that means the end of the road most of the time, when you have an argument with a best friend you get over it straight away and laugh about it after!

Once your a friend, you stay a friend no matter what! Unless you decided to be annoying , then you can find the door. But a best friend will always be stuck in the heart no matter what happens!

I love my amazing friends!! I don't know what I would do without them and they are probably the only thing keeping me stable! I would only tell my best friends my secrets, like my sexuality and if there's something going on.

Friends

I have found out recently that if you go and sit with the people you normally do all the time you slowly grow out of trying to talk to them, for example, my friends play cards at break times and sometimes they ask me but I find it boring so I talk to others around me. However I found out that doing this can lead to some people wanting your attention and not really letting me talk to others. Today I decided to go stand out on the football pitch with my best friend and just act like a loony, and I found this a lot more fun than sitting just staring at my phone for an hour. I'm also having fun talking to the German students who have come over for a few months as they are funny to talk to and they take the micky out of me when I try and speak a little german which normally consists of me saying schokoladenkuchen. But at the moment I'm loving just spending more time with my best friend and texting the most amazing person ever in break/ lunch or my frees.

Little tale

I thought I might share a little experience with you all-

A little while ago I felt really depressed because I was going through the stage where I wanted to know why my mum and dad got a divorce because I was curious. I found out that my dad was hardly ever here and they just fell out of love. I also got the impression that he wasn't here because he didn't want me and never really wanted me. I got this because when I go to his house he used to hardly speak to me or go near me. So I came home one day when I was so angry and upset and just wanted to self harm. I had to stop because the teacher I talk to a lot got concerned and saw I was wearing loads of long sleeved clothing. And also two of my friends found out.
My tale ends by me stopping and now telling you to never try doing it. All it does is scar you forever and doesn't make you feel any happier! I get depressed a lot thanks to family issues but I deal with it differently now.

Stuff

Heyyyyyaaaaa people, I haven't blogged in ages!! So in the past 4 days I have been at school doing stuff for my a-levels. On Monday I was Silent most of the day because I was so tired, Tuesday I was kinda the same but when it came to french I was so scared because I was meant to do my speaking but got out of it! Wednesday I was pulled out of the common room because of my sister had an allergic reaction to something and I was so scared for her. I then got home and found out my granma may have something wrong with her again. Wednesday was not a good day at all! Then today I made a new friend but the only problem is I can't pronounce her name, she's from germany and she's in my French and geography class. I have also finished my media coursework for the print side which made my day slightly better till I had French and got basically treated like a 5 year old! I also put two red hair extensions in my hair.
Anyways tomorrow should be better seeming that I have my very lovely graphics teacher first and then a geography test, then French test and ballet after school.

Life

Well today I've been thinking, will I ever find anyone! I don't know why but I've felt really lonely recently and I keep wondering about life. This keeps bringing me down and also I keep asking myself one question, this is also making me think too hard and not concentrate on school work! Another thing is I'm looking forward to my granma moving back but she's not the same and she's getting worse everytime I see her. So at the moment I'm going down hill and becoming depressed again.
Sorry for this really weird blog, everyone smile and be happy

My day

So today I had two lessons at school and then me and my friend went into town to do a lil bit of shopping. We went to a few shops and then we got to a shoe shop which had some shoes I've been looking at for a couple of months. I didn't want to buy them because I feel guilty spending my money, so I walked away. Then we went into claires and Who You Are came on, I told my friend we were going to stay until the song had finished until but after a few minutes I asked her if we could leave because I normally cry listening to that song. She asked why I did but I couldn't bring myself to tell her that it was that song that actually helped me come out and it felt really personal.
After we said bye to each other, I met my friend and then we went to ballet and hurt our feet and tried to get back into shape. Then I came home and just got angry and then got cheered up by someone awesome!!! My beautiful sunshine!! I love her loads because she always cheers me up and she doesn't have to do much. Anyways thats me day sorry if it's bored you but yer.

School soon

On thursday I go back to school, I have to remember a lot of things before then and also do a lot of homework! However at the moment I'm finding it hard to remember everything as I'm scared about my granma and its around the time she had her stroke and apparently she's due to have another soon. But on the plus side I will be able to see her more in February.
Random lil blog there :)

Random thing

I have this thing where every so often I will start crying, I have tried to figure out why and I think it's because I feel I have been let down so many times by people and I just feel really sad when someone promises something and they never live up to it. I know it's also because I wasn't true to myself for a couple of years when I knew I was different from my friends. But one day this will hopefully stop and I won't cry when I feel like I've been kinda hurt and I will probably tell my friends so I can be more positive with myself.
The words I keep in mind - JUST BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE. and also Pack up your troubles!.....

My new year resolutions

This year I have decided to make a few goals to live up to

1- be happy more and try not to be as angry as I was last year

2- try to be true to who I am! I haven't told many people I'm Bi and I would love to tell anyone but I'm scared they would judge me more than they do at the moment!

3- have more fun

4- try harder to reach my targets at school and in dance so I can have a good future

That's a few of them at the moment

Start of the year

So 2012 has now arrived and we're on the second day, and so far the world hasn't ended yet so the people who said that was really wrong! Anyway, so far I have ended up hurting my sister, my step mum and my dad as we decided to throw stuff at each other last night which ended up with sweets and nuts flying across the room and ending up near the front door. Some also hit very hard against bodies which didn't go down well with everyone this morning! I didn't have any alcohol to drink going into the new year so I'm going to have some when I return to my mums house. Anyways that's the first 2 days of this year